I let you sink into my veins
feeling the pain like it’s new
Everything that we were,
Everything that you said,
Everything that I did and that I couldn’t do
Plays through tonight
I just sit in these flames and pray that you’ll come back
Close my eyes tightly, hold on and hope that I’m dreaming
Come wake me up
Most people will think this a dedication to a love memory, will it is but not as it seems. On the 8th of August, we lost an immediate family tragically. Someone who when my own mother went to live abroad for a short while, she was there whenever I needed her as a young adult. This woman was amazing in every possible way, my Auntie…someone who leaves such a lasting impression for the rest of my life for how we should live. Our family was left devastated by someone else’s stupid actions. A drunk driver, speeding…
When i saw this build from MINIMAL, I wanted to created a snapshot of how I was feeling. Alone, lonely, angry…confused. For her funeral, we had to look through many family photos to create an album and suddenly the emotions hit me. I had done so well to remain detached as best as I could, keeping my clinical head on….saying I would deal with the emotions later when alone. As medics I think we do this, I know both my sister and I do, just keep it together and support others. But not this time, this time it was too close to home…and nothing prepares you for that grief or the fact we couldn’t save her. The moment you hear certain words and you know what they mean because you have used them to talk to a patients family before. Grief as a child is nothing in comparison to grief as an adult. I will never hear her laugh or kind words or equally her subtle/not so subtle way of pointing me in the right direction. How much the family laughed when we were together or how much my children adored her. My Mum lost her best friend and sister, my grandparents their child and my cousin her Mother.
Time does heal and will continue to heal, but every now and then, you sit, and memories come flooding back from a song or picture and it hurts, and you do just sit there wishing them back. It feels like a nightmare…and you pray to God you wake up…but you dont..
So this picture was cathartic… I try not to bring RL into my SL to a degree but this is raw and this is me take me or leave me but please don’t judge me.
